'Our Story'

Oh, it's hard to even know where to begin my story of my precious granddaughter, Makayla Zayne,  so I will take Justine's suggestion and start at the beginning.

It all starts in early November, 1995.

Todd, (Makayla's Daddy) was in Nursing School in Nelsonville, so I was quite shocked on that Thursday afternoon when I arrived home from work and he was home. I had helped him study for tests the weekend before so I knew he had a busy week at college.

 I asked if he had finished his testing early and he replied "No, I came home to talk to you".  After a few minutes of silence,  he handed me an ultrasound picture of what I knew was a fetal ultrasound. To say the least, my mouth about dropped to the floor. When I asked him if the picture was what I thought it was, he replied, "Yes, Erica is pregnant".

Oh, part of me was thrilled at the thought of being a Grandma, but I knew the timing was not right.  It took a couple of weeks before it really sunk in that I was soon to be a Grandma.  Erica was already 19 weeks into her pregnancy, so I knew from the beginning that it was a girl, and her name would be Makayla Zayne Hogue.   She was due to be born the first week in April, 1996.   I was so excited...  Finally the little girl that I never had.

I went out the very next day after learning about Makayla and began to buy and buy and buy and buy. I bought everything I could think that she would need . I bought everything for her 'nursery',  'carseats' for everyones car, a 'playpen', a 'stroller', a 'high chair', 'clothes for every season of her first year'.  I was so excited.  After Christmas, I became even more excited because I knew it was getting closer to her birth. Erica never seemed very big during her pregnancy and I never got to feel Makayla move in the womb. She was always stubborn when I was around.

On February 14th, 1996, Erica went for a routine pre-natal visit. She asked the doctor at that visit if he would do another ultrasound.  She kept saying she felt there was something that just wasn't right.  He refused the ultrasound thinking that she wanted confirmation that she was carrying a female child.  After repeated requests,  the OB/GYN agreed to do the ultrasound.  I remember receiving the phone call from Todd that afternoon telling me they had to go for a level II ultrasound the following day as the OB/GYN saw what he called a "double bubble" which is often seen in Down's Syndrome Babies.  (Makayla was not a 'Down's baby'). 

Erica, Todd, Erica's mother and myself went for the ultrasound the following day.  We were able to be in the room when Erica had her Level II Ultrasound.  It was so exciting to see Makayla.  The high risk OB/GYN  showed us everything....  the lobes of the brain, the chambers of the heart, her kidneys with flow of urine thru the ureters into a bladder full of urine, her hands, her spine....  Oh it was so exciting.  The high risk OB'GYN kept asking Erica when her water broke and every time he asked,  she replied that it hadn't.

I can remember him telling her that she had either gushed the amniotic fluid or she had been gradually leaking the fluid.  Erica repeatedly replied NO to both of the commments.   He stated that there was no amniotic fluid and Makayla would need to be born.  Erica was put in the hospital and given steroids for 48 hours as Makayla's lungs were underdeveloped as she was only 33 weeks gestation.  Makayla would be born in 2 days by c-section as she was in breech position.  Oh, I was getting so excited by this time.  In two short days I would be a grandma and would finally be able to hold my first grandchild.  I could hardly wait.  The two days seemed to go by so slowly. 

We met Todd for breakfast on that Saturday morning, February 17th, 1996.  He had stayed at the hospital with Erica, but as soon as we met him at Bob Evan's,  we could see the excitement in his eyes.  He was going to be a Daddy for the first time that morning.

 We talked about the plans for her future and the anticipation of her birth.  We knew he would be a wonderful Daddy to Makayla.  After breakfast we headed to the hospital for the arrival of our grandchild and child.  At first, they were not going to allow Todd to be in the delivery room as Erica's mother had planned to be there but after much begging he was allowed.  We gave Todd a hug and off he went into the delivery suite for the birth of his child. 

Denny and I waited in the waiting area for what seemed like an eternity.  We were so excited that we would finally see our granddaughter.  Makayla was born on February 17, 1996 at 10:30 am.  Shortly before 11 that morning Todd came to the waiting area and I will NEVER forget the fear in his eyes. I knew immediately that something was not right.   I will always remember putting my hands to my face and asking.....  "Oh Todd, what's wrong".  His eyes were swollen and red and I knew he had been crying.  He said that Makayla was literally fighting for her life. 

He stayed with her while they did CPR on her and had stabilized her enough to take her to the NICU unit.   He asked Denny and I if we would go to the chapel to pray for Makayla.  Of course we would.  We knew that if she was to have a chance at life that God would have to intervene in her care.  It was so hard to stand there and literally beg God.  I simply asked God to touch her body, to help her fight and asked him for the knowledge of the medical professionals who would be attending her.  I told God how much we wanted her here on earth with us but if that was not his will then we would accept that but to please not let her suffer.   I have never felt so low in my entire life, so helpless. 

It was several hours before we were allowed to go into the NICU unit to see Makayla. My fingers ached to just touch her little 4 pound 14 1/2 oz. body. The time came when we were allowed in to see her.  I felt even more helpless at that moment.   Makayla was beautiful...  absolutely beautiful and to Denny and I she looked just like her Daddy did when he was born.  She was already on a respirator because her lung had collapsed. She was fighting the respirator because she wanted to breathe on her own.  Shortly after that the doctor made the decision to sedate her so her body would rest. 

They had made arrangements for her to be transported to Children Hospital in Columbus, Ohio.  We knew she would have the best of care there.  The transport unit had arrived shortly after her birth but she was not stable enough to be transported until around 3:00 pm that afternoon. 

They took Makayla to her Mommy's room before they transported her.  It was now time to make the trip to Childrens Hospital and Denny and Todd followed the transport unit to Childrens.   I decided to come home to get clothes for us because we didn't know when we would be back home again.  The roads were very icy that day so it took me longer to get home and back to Columbus then I thought.  I decided to have pictures developed at the one hour photo lab so Erica would have some pictures of Makayla until she could be released after her c-section to come to Childrens to be with Makayla.

I arrived back at Children's Hospital and they had put her on a more advanced life support system. I walked into the NICU unit and Denny and Todd were at her side.  Makayla was sedated but there is no doubt in our minds that she was aware of her surroundings.  Everytime Todd touched her little leg, she would draw it up.  That was comforting to us.  Dr. King was at her bedside when I arrived in the unit.  He explained that Makayla was born with only one kidney which was very very tiny and that he did not believe the kidney had ever functioned from conception. 

When I heard him say to us that if we had any desire to have Makayla baptized that he would suggest we go ahead and do it....  I knew at that moment that she was not going to survive.  I knew that God had already planned for her to become an angel. 

My heart felt like it literally fell out of my chest.  My beautiful granddaughter was not going to stay on earth with us. I was devastated.  We spent the rest of that night at Childrens Hospital with Makayla.  It was so hard to sleep there but somehow we managed.  On Sunday morning, the neonatologists  began to talk to Todd about removing Makayla from life support.

Todd chose not to make any decisions on his own until Erica was dismissed from the hospital where Makayla was born and had a chance to be included on the decisions that had to be made.  Erica was discharged the day after Makayla was born and immediately came to Childrens Hospital.   The neonatologists sat down with the entire family and laid the cards out on the table.  Makayla did not have a chance for survival.  She had not urinated since birth since there was no renal function.  

The very difficult decision was made that Makayla would be removed from life support that day.   The families were called in and everyone that wanted the opportunity to finally meet Makayla was given that chance.  Sadly, their 'hellos' were also their 'goodbyes'. 

At 5:45 pm on February 18th, 1996, the day following her birth, Makayla was removed from life support.  She was immediately handed to her Daddy and he then took her to her Mommy who rocked her.  The neonatologists checked her vitals every 15-20 minutes and after she had been off of life support for almost an hour, told us that she would probably hold on until the following morning.  He explained that her heart was very strong and she was not giving up.  At that time, I had not held Makayla since her birth.

 When Todd asked if I wanted to hold her, I couldn't get across the room fast enough.  Of course I wanted to hold my beautiful granddaughter.  I will never forget cradling her in my arms and holding her close to me.   I whispered to her.....  "Makayla....  it's alright, you're going to become a little angel and it's OK to sprout your wings". 

Denny and I finished holding her and left Todd and Erica alone with  her.   Twenty minutes later Todd came out to the waiting area and let us know that Makayla had become an angel.  She passed from Earth to God's hands at 7:06 pm that evening. 

That was the worst day of my life.  My beautiful Makayla and all the plans I had for her were gone.  We spent more time with Makayla that evening and as hard as it was we knew we had to make the trip home.  It was very cloudy and cold that night but as Denny, Todd, Erica and I left Childrens Hospital that night we looked to the cloudy sky and low and behold there was one single bright start in the cloudy sky.  We knew in that instant that Makayla was safe in Heaven. She was the brightest start shining down to let us know it was OK. 

We had a funeral and a Catholic Mass the following Friday.  Strangely enough I made it through that day fairly well.   I knew Makayla was happy and healthy and that she was OK.  So many times after Makayla's death I sat and wondered what  went wrong.  How could she be born without renal function ????  There were just no answers to our questions until I ran across the website of another baby and the story this mother had wrote fit the renal malfunctions to a tee that Makayla had. 

Upon further research, 4 years after Makayla's death we knew what was wrong...  Makayla was born with 'Potter's Syndrome'.  Shortly after the diagnosis, I found the 'Potter's Syndrome Forum' on the internet and what a blessing that has been. Those women on the Forum have all lost a baby to Potter's Syndrome and all of my questions were finally answered. 

I have met some very wonderful people who share the same loss that I have....  A baby born with Potter's Syndrome.   There is not a day go by that I do not think of Makayla.....

There will always be a very special place in my heart for her, and to this day, I look at the sky at night and find that 'Brightest Star' and I remember.......   'Makayla Zayne'.