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'our last journey'
We carefully placed Jack back into John's car and followed behind... Our Godmother Mary sat in the front, watching over Our Jack on his last journey with us all...
We had decided after many long and painful discussions that we were to have Jack's last Service in the 'Crematorium'... Andrew and I had spoke about this at length before Jack was even born. We wanted to do 'neither' of the 'two' options that are open to you in these circumstances, but we obviously knew we had to choose 'one'...
Our reasons were really quite clear - we wanted to dearly bring our baby home with us, to live with forever, so the only way was 'this way'...
Although every other wish of ours was carried out, our last one could not be!! We wanted Jack to go to 'God's Loving Arms' in his Moses Basket' which to us had been his little bed all of his short life, yet due to rules and regulations, for Jack's final journey, he had to be placed in a 'casket'.
This we really did not want to happen, but we had to abide by the rules this time...
On leaving the Church, family and friends went on ahead to the 'Crematorium Chapel' to await us... We went to the Chapel where we were to place Jack in his casket, have our final last cuddle and kiss and really say 'Goodbye'...
We arrived, carried Jack from John's car to an upstairs room where his little casket was waiting for him ~ we had chosen one with little teddies on it… We just did not want our Precious Baby Boy in this casket - we wanted him to stay forever in his little Moses Basket ~ yet this could not be.
This is the moment we had feared since our Jack went to Heaven... No longer were we to be able to hold our Angel or to see or touch his beautiful little face, this is where 'Goodbye' was 'real'... Andrew and I gathered Jack in our arms and held him close for the last time that we could on this earth...
When we were ready, I laid Jack in and placed all of his special teddies, letters, poems, his pillow and photographs of all of us next to him and gave him all of our Love to take with him... His little gold cross was placed in his little tiny hand...
This was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, I cannot think about this moment without tears... Andrew and I held each other tight and placed Jack back into John's car, this time not in his little bed, but in a new little one, one that he would now go to 'God's arms in'...
Jack's casket in John's car - leaving to go to the crematorium chapel...
We arrived at the crematorium Chapel... Andrew and I carried Jack in and so carefully placed him down...
Our song requested was playing so clearly on our entrance, it was 'Westlife' - 'My Love'... What a beautiful song... We had been trying to find the 'right' song to have for months and finally heard this one and knew it was just 'perfect'...
It bought everyone to tears I now know and has had such an impact ever since... Everyone who attended asked what the song was, every time they hear it now, they call it 'Jack's song'... It was obviously meant to be...
We stood in silence as Our Vicar said the prayers, then Andrew's sister-in-law Jane again read out another poem I had wrote for Jack...
By this time I feel we were both numb with everything that had happened this day and our emotions just opened... Our daughter Sophie held my hand tight, tears streaming down her pretty little face... She was so, so brave throughout everything... My mum had taken our Ben outside as he was getting pretty restless...
When the 'curtains closed', we knew that this was the last ever time we would have our little baby in our sight... I so dearly wanted the curtains to remain open, for us to take our baby back home and wake up to find that this was just an awful nightmare, but then Chris took our hands, held us tight and led us outside to go and see Jacks beautiful flowers... The song we chose for leaving the Crematorium was again 'Westlife' but with 'Mariah Carey' - 'Against All Odds'... The song has been an all~time memorable one for us anyway, but again it just seemed appropriate at this time...
We walked to where Jacks flowers had been placed with a little name plaque for him and spent some time with all our family and friends before we headed home...
We had decided we wanted to be alone after the service here was over, so left with just my mum, Andrew's mum, my godmother Mary and our other children Sophie and Ben... We went home where my father called by later, then soon found ourselves alone, trying to understand the days event...
To this day, (it is now 8 weeks ago) - we still don't understand why 'God' had to take our baby... I doubt we ever will...
'The Morning Following Jack's Funeral Day'
The following morning, our Funeral Director John arrived... A moment we had waited for so desperately... We had been busy preparing Jack's new display cabinet in our lounge which holds all of his precious memories... We went out to buy it a few days before and spent hours arranging all of his little things in it...
Everything is together there from his delightful little teddies, his hand and foot prints, Birth Certificate, his 'cord' in a beautiful silver heart trinket box, photos, name bands etc... This is Jack's 'place' - we just needed 'Jack' home...
John handed to me our little 'Trinket Box' that we had bought for Jack's ashes to be in - (We spent weeks trying to find something that we 'liked' for Jack, the one we chose is beautiful, it has a little teddy sitting on the top)
I wasn't too sure how I was going to react at holding our baby this time in something quite like this... With great respect, John passed Jack to me and I just held him like any mother holds their baby... Carefully we placed Jack's ashes in 'his place' in his unit - and felt relieved that our most precious Angel was at last home - forever... A beautiful 'rose' sits in Jack's place - it's petals open each day, keeping Jack's wonderful memory - alive...
(Please click on the 'Thumbnails' below to view a larger picture of just some of Jack's most beautiful flowers)
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