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A few months ago, Andrew and I had an email from a very special friend named 'Sophie', asking us if we had ever thought about having our story published in one of our well known leading Magazines to highlight not just the Syndrome that our two precious little boys had been born with, but to also offer our own heartbreaking story to many people throughout the country, who sadly, may have, or may well be, tragically experiencing the same heartache we have, and maybe even being able to gain some strength or some comfort through our journey... Sophie also mentioned that we could 'donate' the 'money' that we receive from the 'Magazine' to a Charity, or to another form of 'fund' that would benefit greatly... As you will read below, we did just that, and this is what happened...
It all started on May 4th 2002! I finally made the decision to go ahead and email the features Editor at 'CHAT' Magazine with our heartbreaking story... The months drifted by, as I so thought they would, without any word... These Magazines must get hundreds and hundreds of letters every single day, each one unique in their own way, some terribly heartbreaking, some that will bring a smile to your face... It wasn't until a few months ago, at the beginning of January this year, 2003, that we received a phone call from 'Sophie Stancel', the Features Editor at 'CHAT' Magazine, telling us that they would love to publish 'Our Story' as a feature in their magazine, under the title of: 'Letter Of Love'... This is where the story is written as though the person being featured is 'actually speaking' the story themselves... In our case, it was a letter from myself and my husband Andrew, as though we were speaking to our boys in heaven, Jack & Sam...
From this day onward, from that first initial 'phone call' from Sophie, our 'story' of our 'family and our heavenly little boys' was about to be, for the first time, put into writing by 'someone else' and 'published'... ...There were 'Contracts to sign', phone calls from 'CHAT' and a meeting with a 'Photographer' to name but a few things that we had to do at the beginning... Sophie was able to take much of our 'Story' from our boys Website, which held all the information that they really needed, leaving just a few things that needed to be discussed on the phone... The Photographer was 'wonderful'... She was with us in our home for the whole afternoon, talking with us and explaining about what she had to do and what kind of photos she needed to take... Andrew and I had absolutely no idea what a 'Photo Shoot' would involve, but we were soon to find out... Maria started to bring in the equipment she needed... There were camera's, tripods, films, umbrella's, lighting and so much else... We couldn't believe it... Our front room was beginning to like a 'home made studio'... Then it was time to start taking some 'polaroids' which were to be taken initially to make sure that the 'lighting' in the room was as it should be... Below are a few of the first polaroids that were taken from the shoot...
~Andrew and I ~
...With Sophie & Ben!
~ Sitting infront of our 'Jack & Sam's Special Place ~
Maria was so good with Sophie & Ben... They absolutely adored having their photos taken, and they both loved Maria... It was a wonderful day, a very special day, and a day that we will remember forever... Thank you to Maria for her time and her understanding on what was a very difficult day for us, doing something that we had never done before...
After the photos were taken and the magazine had chosen the few they were going to use, I then had a few more brief chats with the Features Editor just to double check everything was going to plan of how it was to be published... I then received a phone call from Sophie Stancel one last time, informing us that 'Our Story' had been written and that she would like to 'read it back to me' over the phone so that I could preview this before it's publication... This I think was the hardest part of all... I didn't quite think about how 'hearing' our own story, being read by somebody else, a stranger in fact, would make me feel... But then Sophie started to read, and I was choked! I cried entirely through the time it took Sophie to start at the beginning and to finish at the end! I didn't know where the end was, I had no idea how the story had been written and no idea on what to expect... I wasn't even sure if I could listen anymore as Sophie was reading, but I did! She kindly told me that I could pause at anytime, take a break and continue when I felt able to, but when she started to read, I dearly wanted to hear her finish our story... To hear your own experience read out to you by someone you don't even know, is incredibly strange and surreal... I sat back for a split second and thought that these people that Sophie was reading out to me, was 'US', our babies Jack and Sam, this was 'Our Story' and it was being featured in one of our well known magazines... How could this be I kept thinking to myself... How could anything this tragic have happened to us? Could I have been reading about somebody else here... Don't these things always happen to those around you, and never to yourselves I kept asking myself... but I knew this was 'Our Story', and we have the pain in our hearts and the ache in our arms to remind us always that our two precious little baby boys are not here with us!
Sophie finished reading, and I was unable to talk... I thanked her so dearly, and then with a very quiet, hushed voice, I placed the receiver down... For the next few minutes I just sat there, tears streaming down my face, trying to take everything in, but it was too much... I was hurting, I was hurting so badly... I cried for hours, the pain and the memories that although never leave you, had come back though so strong and so powerful as though it was the days that I had given birth to my precious little angels... Every emotion inside me that had been welling up for a long time, came flooding out, through the tears in my eyes and the sheer pain in my heart... I called Andrew at work and told him that Sophie had finished Our Story and that it would be published in about 4 weeks... Now we just had to wait!
The day before our expected Publication in the Magazine was a strange feeling... So many family and friends were waiting to read this, so many asking what time it would be in the stores etc, etc... On the morning itself, March 6th, Issue 10, Sophie and I drove the local store and had a look... There it was, on the shelves, in bold writing on the front cover, the heading... 'A LIFETIME OF LOVE IN JUST ONE NIGHT'! ...with a little Photo of Ben holding Jack in his arms beside it...
OMG, how did this feel... Strange, surreal, in fact I was pretty numb at this time... We bought some copies and drove home... Andrew tried to read a few lines, but it was too painful. He took the magazine to work with him, and when he finished his shift that Thursday evening, he spent some quiet time alone, sat and read through the article, in his own time, and with his own space! Andrews Manager at work that same day, went out to buy some copies of the magazine and asked the Staff members to all take some time out to read 'Our Story' before the end of their working day... A copy of this is still held at Andrew's Works for anyone there ever wishing to go back and read through it once again...
Sophie, Ben and I sat and read it through, over and over again... Sophie took her own special copy to school with her that morning, and shared this with her Tutors and her School Friends... Sophie was so proud! I read everything through to Ben and he was so excited to see his little photo in this magazine and those of Jack and Sam too. He felt so special... We sent many copies away to family and friends, worldwide, from here in England to the USA... Some 'Shop Keepers' thought me strange when I turned up at the 'Check-Outs' with maybe 6 or 7 copies of the 'same' magazine... Each one queried every time about 'why' was I purchasing so many? I showed them Ben's Photo on the front cover and explained that our Story was in this weeks issiue and of course, then they remembered... I needed to say no more... We are very well known through the area we live in, especially with the Newspaper coverage that we have had with our Jack and Sam's stories and the Balloon Releases that we have had in their memory... It was then that the next question came... "Oh, are you the family who lost their two little babies to Potters Syndrome"? Of course, yes, this was us, but the good thing that came out of being asked so often if we were the family that had lost their babies when walking down a street, was that so many people by this time have now actually HEARD of 'Potters Sydrome'! This is what we so wanted to happen... 'Potters Syndrome' needs to be recognised throughout the world, it is a 'Syndrome' that can occur in ANY pregnancy, but very little is ever spoken of it, due to it being so rare... Now, I feel slightly comforted that throughout England and Ireland, Potters Syndrome has been 'highlighted' through our own personal story in 'CHAT' Magazine, and if our story can help anyone, anywhere in the world, then that can only be a blessing!
(You can click on the following 2 thumbnails to take you to a larger version of the actual publication). I have had to scan the story in 2 parts, so I have also wrote out the exact copy of the story incase the words are not very clear on these pages...
The response we have had to our publication has been unbelievable... We have had an astonishing amount of emails & entries to Jack & Sam's Guestbook, something that we truly did not expect... From all over the Country, from every part, we have received correspondence from people from all walks of life who had read our story... Some people had tragically also experienced the heartache of losing a baby in their lives, some had even lost babies to 'Potters Syndrome', most though thankfully had never lost a baby but felt compelled to visit our website and read more of our story... Every email we received (and are still receiving) means so very much to us... Being able to 'touch' somebody's life with our story of our boys, being able to share them with thousands of people across the country, is heartwarming... Thank You to everyone that has read our story... ...oh how I wish though that our story never needed to be published, that we had never lost our precious little Jack and Sam and that all this nightmare would end. What we would give to have our little boys here with us, in our arms!
To End On... Andrew and I would like to personally thank here 'Sophie Stancel' from 'CHAT Magazine' and for all the other members of the team for their unconditional support and understanding during the long months prior to writing our story to the final publication... Thank You to You all ~ For Everything"! Justine, Andrew, Sophie, Ben, angel Jack and angel Sam.
~ Update News November 24th 2003 ~ Please click on the Link below to take you to another 'CHAT' Special Page where we have just had our Story published for a 'Second Time' after being nominated for one of the top 53 stories that the Magazine had published for the year 2003... Click on the Link below to take you there :) ~ Our 2003 Nominated Story for 2003 ~
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